Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Fuck exercise.

Every now and then I will notice something we all inevitably deny until the last minute pants are getting tighter. You can only blame the dryer (for shrinking them) for so long before you have to face the facts...the vodka/cheeseburger/cupcake diet is not working in the way you had hoped.

It's time to eat a bit better and work out occasionally because let's be's not that you want to try hard enough to lose any significant amount of weight but more so you don't have to buy pants with a larger number than before.

I have been so busy lately with work (and my new found Breaking Bad addiction) that I just don't have the energy to hit the gym for hours every night. Although, even if I was a Real Housewife of Trophyville who didn't have to work, I would still hate exercising.  I will however force myself to do it, usually crying the entire way through, but I would pretty much prefer to be doing anything else.

I am so exhausted and dreading any physical activity, I started to ponder all the things that currently sound more appealing than working out.

Instead of hitting the gym I would rather...




Die...but only if I get to be reincarnated as a Victoria's Secret Model.

Lose my wallet and make a Saturday of visiting the Bank, DMV, and Social Security Office...maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I don't know. I don't know if I'll have enough time.

Go shoe/dress shopping...for your Chihuahua, Shit Zu, or any other "dog" you carry in a purse.

Start a Monopoly tournament and end up three days later with a meth addiction on Baltic Avenue.

Spend the day with my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend engagement ring shopping.

Step on all of the Legos.

Visit the eye doctor, dentist, and gyno simultaneously.

Be referred to as the "Ugly Kardashian."

Attend your daughter's ballet recital, son's little league game, and both of their gluten/alcohol free birthday parties.

I would also rather watch your birthing video. No seriously, bring on the placenta, and I'll bring the buttery, delicious popcorn (just as long as we aren't burning it off after).

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