Late at night when I can’t
sleep, I like to scour my favorite internet sites and read random articles
about life, sex, and however many reasons I should or shouldn’t do something.
However, recently I spend more time rolling my eyes than learning awful sex tip
number 86982301.
It seems lately every other
article is promoting feminism, and even though I am a woman, I can’t help but
think, yawn* is this is still a
thing?
Before you ladies start
lighting the torches, I am not talking about equality in the workforce. I am
aware women make 77 cents to every dollar men do, (which needs to change), but
not shaving your legs isn’t going to make that happen. Trust me. Every winter I go extended periods of time wearing high socks and avoiding human contact,
and I never once received a raise because of it. Refusing to wear tampons
because “menstruating is something that women shouldn't be ashamed of doing,”
isn’t going to prove a point either…unless that point is you like to ruin your
clothing and furniture. Yes people,
“Free Bleeding” is a thing; look it up, but not while you are eating.
Personally, I have never once
felt inferior to a man because I don’t even acknowledge that we are really that
different. Sure, some men are bigger or
stronger than I am, but so are some women. Personally, I know plenty at my gym who you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark alley, and plenty of men
whose asses I can kick. I've met numerous men who are more/less successful than
me, and the same goes for women. I’ve come across men who are smarter than I am,
and some men I just want to pet while saying, “So pretty.” I have just always
considered that a little thing called "life."
I came across an article
saying women who let a man pay for the date or pull out their chairs are “pathetic.”
Well call me Captain Pitiful because I believe in Chivalry. I also believe in
common fucking decency and holding a door open for anyone regardless of their
gender. If a man wants to buy me a drink, I will gladly accept it. Sure, I can
afford my own drinks, but I won’t get upset with a man for offering to buy me
one. If a woman, dog, alien, or Sasquatch
offers me a cocktail, I will gladly accept that too because FREE BOOZE people.
Another article even tried to
tell me I wear make up because men have put pressure on me to look beautiful at
all times. Yeah, uh huh, that, or maybe I prefer people not telling me I look
tired which everyone knows is the nicest way of saying, “You look like shit.” Perhaps I like tricking people into thinking I slept a
full 8 hours instead of watching “The Sandlot” for the 20 millionth time at 3
am. *On a side note, why is that movie
always on at obscure times? Get it together ABC Family!
Now I know someone, somewhere
is burning a bra and reading this in disgust, but you know what? I like my
bras. They are pretty, and lacy, and they
keep my boobs from punching me in the face. I have spent far too much of my
woman salary to set them on fire. If anything, I would like to burn Victoria for
charging so damn much for her secrets…
You know what else? I also love
dresses, not because they were “created by a man to sexualize women” but
because fuck pants. Have you ever felt a
warm summer breeze on your lady parts? Well it’s delightful.
I wear heels because I am 5’
2,” and every now and then it’s nice to not huff armpit the entire night. I also love the idea of appearing to lose five
pounds without having to cry into salads for weeks. It never once crossed my mind
whether or not they were designed by a man. They had me at artificial slimming
effect.
I enjoy cooking and baking because
I love to eat, with no correlation to the stereotype that “a woman’s place is in
the kitchen.” If that is where the food is, that is exactly where I want to be.
Put a fridge in the attic, and that’s where you’ll find my ass.
I also like Disney
films. Does that mean I am giving in to
the idea of women being “helpless victims who need a man to save them?” Fuck
no. I like singing and cartoons.
Everyone needs to relax.
If you want to go to work
while your husband stays home with the kids, then do it. If you don’t want to
give into gender roles/stereotypes, then don’t, but if I want to cook dinner
for my future husband in a pair of high heels and nothing else, that’s my damn
prerogative. If you want to braid your armpit hair, that’s yours. However, I’m
willing to bet I end up with my happily ever after first, and you bet your ass
there will be a sweet song about it.
