Yesterday I was having a
conversation with a male friend of mine regarding his current dating situation.
He was involved with a girl who was, according to him, “playing games.”
Some times she would want to
hang out every day for a week straight while others she would avoid him for
days. She would say she didn’t want to
be exclusive, but she would get upset if he did so much as talk to another
girl.
As he went on about her being
hot and cold and the other ways she was messing with him, I began to think about all the games we as women actually play that men aren’t even involved in…
For starters there is the “I
better eat this entire bag of Oreos to get them out of the house” game because
if you eat them all, it’s like they never existed, right? Your taste buds may
win, but your ass will definitely lose this one.
This is usually followed by
the “I’ll start Monday” game. Which turns into the “Monday of next week”
game…then the “Wait, is New Year’s on a Monday” game?” You can participate in
this game up to 52 times a year, but may I suggest also playing the “get your
ass a gym membership” game as well before your jeans forfeit.
Anybody else play the “Let’s
see how close I can come to killing myself with out actually doing it” game? You
know the one…when you're feeling down about something, you watch every sad movie
you can think of/ listen to the most depressing songs you can find on repeat in
order to make yourself feel the absolute worst you possibly can. If you have
every watched “The Fault in our Stars” while listening to The Smiths, you are
the champion.
Every girl reading this has
played the “I lost my phone” game. The rules are simple, you must make everyone
in the bar search for it as you dump the entire contents of your purse
violently onto the floor while your phone is safely tucked in your pocket the
entire time. Bonus points can be earned for every individual person you have
call it.
A closet full of clothes with
the tags still on them prove I play the “I need to buy this ridiculous article
of clothing just in case” game far too often. If you own a long ball gown in
case someone invites you to a black tie gala and a pair of khaki capri pants/top
siders just in case someone asks you to sail on their yacht near any of the New
England states, you are a viable competitor as well.
There is also the “I need to
hang on to this because it may come back into style” game. We all started
playing this upon walking into an Urban Outfitters and seeing our wardrobe from
1998 in its entirety. If Birkenstocks
and those damn jelly shoes that made your feet smell like a locker room are
back in style, nothing is off limits.
Who could forget about the
“I’m not that drunk” game? The more often you say it, the better chance you
have of winning. And by winning, I mean waking up in your bathtub covered in
Mexican food.
How about the “One more
episode” game? Why did you start Netflixing at 10 pm on a Tuesday, you dumbass?
You might as well have smoked crack because the outcome will be the same. You
are addicted and will probably be losing your job and ending up on the street
in no time. There is a plus side to watching 200 episodes of Friends instead of
doing drugs though…you get to keep your teeth.
Right now I am currently killing
it at the “Oops I ate one M&M therefore my whole day is ruined so I might
as well eat a large pizza and wash it down with a bottle of wine” game. I may
not be in first place tomorrow morning, but you know what they say…it’s not
whether you win or lose; it’s how you play the game.
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