Recently my entire Facebook
news feed has been blowing up with references to the “Dad Bod.” As much as I
hate stupid social media trends, I have previously mentioned the whole
“eyebrows on fleek” phenomenon (barf) so I couldn’t ignore something with a
little more substance.
If you missed the sudden
explosion of articles discussing “dad bods” and have no idea what I am talking
about, climb out from under that rock, and see exhibit Leonardo DiCaprio.
Feast your eyes on his bicep
less arms and man boobs. He is subtlety saying, “Why should I hit the gym when I
have a six pack right here in my fridge? Basically, the only thing he is
lifting is a piece of pizza to his face, and he gives zero fucks.
There are a plethora of
articles that are pro dad bods. Some women think we should embrace this trend because
if men have beer guts they may opt to be more accepting of our muffin tops. It
makes sense. I mean, I can’t expect you to be David Beckhman a la his Calvin
Klein ads if I am not a Victoria’s Secret model strutting down the runway in my
skivvies. For starters I would have to
grow about eight inches, and I am pretty sure even if I stopped eating and
moved directly into the gym, my actual bones would still weigh more than
Adriana Lima so who am I to judge.
I have also seen several articles
that say we should put a stop to it now. Women fuming that if you don’t accept a
“mom bod” then why should we embrace your dad version? You get to be fat while
we are still held to impossible beauty standards. Fuck no. If we have to do a
hundred thousand squats per week then you can get with an ab challenge once in
awhile.
Men seem pretty excited about
being able to get laid without having to exercise or take any pride in their
appearance, which I totally understand. If one day someone publishes an article
(leading to the next big trend) called, “How eating nothing but tacos and
Cadbury eggs will land you Ryan Gosling,” I’d be pretty stoked too.
However, pro or con dad bods,
there is a major flaw in the whole movement no one seems to be talking about…
Having a dad bod only works
for (people like) Leonardo DiCaprio because he is Leonardo fucking DiCapro, and
women will bang him regardless if he has breasts bigger than theirs or not. He
could literally grow an evil conjoined twin and women would fuck that little
bastard too. If you are driving a Pontiac and living in your mom’s basement
something tells me your dad bod won’t have the same affect on women. All you
men eager to embark on this trend may want to take that into consideration.
I am a big advocate of doing
whatever makes you happy so if you want to eat pizza for breakfast, lunch, and
dinner then by all means get your $5 hot and ready on, just don’t expect to be
leaving the club with dozens of models like our boy, the great Gatsby unless
you have some of that wolf of Wall Street status.
