"It's another beautiful day in Zamunda!"
"Maybe if I drive super fast and really close to all the other cars around me, I will beat them to the red light."
"No seriously trust me. This one place has pizza just as good if not better than Chicago. I think the owners are from there actually." (You shut your whore mouth)
"Frozen yogurt for 35 cents an ounce?! Why yes, I would like 75 dollars worth."
"It's 60 degrees outside so I better put on my winter coat."
"After brunch, let's stop and get mani/pedis...and boob jobs."
"The speed limit says 65 so why are you only doing 90?"
"Wanna meet for dinner? Let's say some time between 6 and 11... ish."
"I think I felt a raindrop. I better call in sick to work. It's best I not drive in such conditions."
"What do you guys want to listen to: Sublime or Slightly Stoopid?"
"I ate too much In and Out Burger and now my stomach hurts. Good thing I have some medicinal marijuana from the last time I stubbed my toe."
"Your new tribal tattoo looks sick bro, but not as gnarly as your Chinese symbol for "YOLO."
"My girlfriend's cousin's neighbor's sister's accountant did Justin Timberlake's taxes so we're practically related."
"Since last call is at 1:30 so we should probably start pre-drinking around 7? No you're right, 4 is good."
"What? A truck is totally considered a compact car."