Thursday, April 18, 2013

You mad, Bro?

I recently got a big girl job and have been working/training a ton the past two weeks. Today was my first full day off in awhile, and how did I get to spend it?  Think of the thing you would least like to do in the world.  Jury duty? An alcohol free children's birthday party? Those sound like a vacation on the beach compared to my Thursday. Even better, I got to spend my morning at the gyno.

No, my vagina is not falling off. I just needed to refill my birth control, which apparently requires fluorescent lighting as you get violated by both your doctor and several inanimate objects. I, for one, am convinced they store those medieval torture devices in the freezer just for their own amusement. Also, on top of all that excitement, you get some kind of violent Shiatsu massage. Performed on your boobs. By your doctor's knuckles. 

I feel like I need a shower and somebody owes me dinner and a movie. 

Even though that traumatizing visit only happens once a year, it will haunt you the other 364. It's just another annoying part of being a girl we have to deal with. In order to cheer myself (and all you ladies out there) up, I thought I would take a moment to remember all the advantages of being a girl...

At any given moment, someone, somewhere wants to have sex with you.  

Even if you are not attractive, you can put on enough make-up to have guys think you are kinda hot. 

See exhibit Ke$ha

(You will never be able to watch Pulp Fiction the same way again.)

You get free food and don't have to pay for drinks if you don't want to.

You can watch The Real Housewives of crazy town and no one will judge you that much.

You can also flirt/cry your way out of most undesirable situations.

You never have to kill spiders or those horrifying 1,000 legged nightmares.

If you stand by your car buried in snow, holding a shovel, looking pathetic, someone will dig you out.

Purses.  So much room for activities.  (Seriously guys, where do you keep all your treasures? Especially in skinny jeans.)

We don't have to wear pants. Fuck pants.  

Any time you feel like being a bitch or are acting crazy, blame it on your period.

Boobs.  Boobs are awesome.  I sometimes just hold mine. Why? Because I can.

You will never get kicked out of bars for being too will just be escorted onstage to partake in a wet T-shirt contest.

and my personal favorite...

Two words: multiple orgasms.  AMIRIGHT?


  1. This is my favorite post to date. So true. Where do boys keep their stuff? Ive always wondered that.

  2. LMAO... I recently won a debate with a male over what was worse, his yearly exam, or mine. I thought when I mentioned the cold rod being shoved inside me with a force of a football player was my winning moment, but then when I explained how there was the added bonus of said object "opening up"... That there was my true moment of victory...