Thursday, July 18, 2013

More things I will never be good at...

I suck at lots of things...basic things most average adults have mastered already. For example, I can't even swim. I mean, I can not drown which should count for something, but as far as turning your head and moving your arms in a circular motion, yeah, not so much. At this point in my life, I learned it's just better to accept that some things you will just never get the hang of no matter how hard you try. On that note, here are some more things I will never be good at...

(If you want to feel even better about yourself, you can also read part one here.)

remembering to close the window before walking around my room pants less and confusing/scarring the neighborhood children for life. (If you are from Africa why are you white...and if you are white, why is your butt so big?)

not quoting Mean Girls every day.

waiting five minutes for the oven to preheat so I can cook food properly and not end up eating a hot mess of pizza rolls from the microwave.

wearing shoes that won't eventually betray me.

taking little dogs seriously. You live in a purse and my cat could kick your ass.

going to Wrigley Field and actually paying attention to the game and not just just to my Mai Tais and hot dog.

not using the expression "shut your whore mouth" or "eat a bag of dicks" at least once a day. I'm still trying to figure out where one can acquire a bag of dicks to eat...

ordering anything less than ten items from Taco Bell, while pretending I am ordering for my imaginary family.
"I will have two Dorito tacos, a 7 layer burrito, a cheesey gordita crunch, a beef chalupa, cheesey fiesta potatoes, a mexican pizza, a baja blast freeze, and a crunch wrap supreme."
 "Does that complete your order?"
 "Oh, and I better add some beef nachos for my husband and cinnamon twists because my son loves them."

No comments:

Post a Comment