I grew up in the Midwest in a
small suburb, and I always knew the minute I turned 18, I was going to move to
the city. I am of course referring to Chicago and not New York like some of
those ‘Hills’ bitches implied is the only one.
I watched numerous friends go
away to college while I chose to attend one in the heart of downtown. Many
moved away in search of warmer weather or better opportunities, but I remained.
I toughed it out every winter (although the snowpocalype a few years back
really tested my patience), and I paid my bills through a series of less than
desirable jobs (one word: Wrigleyville). To this day, I still fall asleep to
the sweet symphony of sirens every night.
Why would I want to leave? I
live somewhere where every year I get to go to the beach, ice skating, and
apple picking all in the same place. There is always something to do, including
a street or food festival nearly every weekend, and I can get just about
anything I need/desire delivered within an hour at time, day or night. Hellooooo
shitty pizza at 5 am!
Some of the most beautiful
architecture you will ever see is in Chicago, you can eat all of your feelings
via the most delicious pizza and hot dogs, and our Art Institute is rated the
best in the entire world (take that Louvre’!). Even George Lucas wants a piece
of that sweet museum pie when he builds his here in 2019.
I could literally go on and
on, but to summarize: Chicago is one of the greatest cities in the world. With
that being said, if you don’t reside directly in it, stop claiming it as your
own. I am talking to you Schaumburg and Naperville.
If you live in the suburbs,
stop saying you are from Chicago.
I have been living in the
city for over a decade, and I will tell you first hand, there is no greater way
to piss off a true Chicagoan than to say you are from Chicago when you live in
a suburb nearly an hour or more away. Calling it “Chi-Town” is a close second.
Call it “Chi-raq” and I will
punch you in your throat.
I know many of you lighting
your torches at this very moment will argue, “It is just easier than saying, “I
live in (insert random shitty suburb here),” but if you have to pay a toll to
get the city, you clearly don’t live within it. Therefore, claiming you do is
about as authentic as Drake’s street cred.*
*(If you have been living
under a rock, google “Hotline Bling.” Yes, mom. I will show you how to use google
next week.)
See, there is a certain
amount of bullshit one must encounter when living in a major city regardless of
how amazing it is. If you do not experience these things, you don’t get to have
your cake and call it Chicago too.
You don’t have to deal with
the fresh scent of urine on your morning commute, nor do you spend a decent
part of your day trying to distinguish between an actual crazy person and an
irate homeless person, and you sure as shit don’t have to worry someone will
call “Dibs” on the parking spot you spent hours shoveling out. Those of us that
live here feel like we earned the right to call this wonderfully crazy place
home so if your favorite bar is in a strip mall, stop claiming to be part of
our exquisite madness.
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