This is why I drink.

Sky High, Chuck E. Cheese's, or any similar shit show. This is literally my nightmare. Hundreds of screaming children with thousands of different cootie variations all running a muck with little to no parental supervision. The only thing any of the dads seem to be keeping an eye on is my cleavage. Look alive buddy, your kid is drowning in the ball pit.

Taxes.  How about instead of taking all of my money and then giving me some of it back in April, you just take less during the year and save us all some math.  Boom. Next I'll take on that whole world peace issue...

St. Patrick's Day. So technically I was planning on drinking anyway, but now I have to consume twice as much alcohol to make being around all the drunk idiots tolerable. If you plan on being out from dawn until dusk, maybe it's best you don't consume the whole day's worth of alcohol before lunch.  A general rule of thumb is when you are peeing and/or puking in public, it's time to to throw in the towel. You may end up losing your phone, but at least this way you can keep your dignity.