Sunday, May 5, 2013

Long distance lovers.

It seems lately several of my friends have somehow found themselves in long distance relationships.  Maybe Chicago is actually out of eligible bachelors or maybe the dating grass really is greener on the other side.  I hear about how hard it can be at times so I thought I would write a blog to cheer my girls up.

I'm the best.

Ladies, Being long distance lovers is not all bad...

You get to experience the perks of being in a relationship, yet I still think you are fun to be around.

You don't have to shave your legs or get waxed very often.  Fuuuuuck waxing. I would rather get punched in the vagina by a midget on steroids.

You can eat ice cream directly out of the carton, and only your pets will judge you.

You can finally stop sucking your stomach in for 5 effing minutes.

Weekend sex fest, and everyone is pulling out their best moves too.  It's Christmas morning, but with orgasms!

You can go out with your friends, drink yourself into a coma, and complain the entire following day about your hangover without someone saying, "I told you not to try to keep up with me and my friends."
(I do what I want.)

You can watch all the Bravo, Oxygen, and E! you want. "Bad Girl's Club" marathon?!  Don't mind if I do...

You can finally stop being Macgyver when it comes to covering up that you (despite popular belief) do in fact poop. Sorry boys.

You can finally rock sweat pants, be crabby, and not pretend all you want to do is wear a sundress and twirl in fields of flowers when you have your period.

You remember there is another word besides "we" in the English language. WE love sushi. WE can't wait for summer. (I really want to punch you.)

You not only get to buy as many shoes as you want, but you also can buy the good toilet paper and the expensive shampoos without a lecture on your spending habits.

And don't forget...

No comments:

Post a Comment