I began wishing my fat away since diet and exercise take too long, plus I really like to eat and sit and my ass. I figured since I am attempting to pray myself thin, why not just make a list of the other ridiculous things I want this summer.
I would like...
- for jiggly and pale to be the new black.
- free Lollapalooza tickets and for once to not have the only 3 bands I want to see play on the same day at the same time.
- to drink margaritas in flavor combinations one can only assume were created by drunk scientists.
- a Jeep with no roof or doors that me and all my gal pals can drive all over the city without getting down poured on and/or murdered.
- a rocking tan without wrinkles or skin cancer.
- beach waves instead of that special hybrid of afro/dreadlocks I bring back every summer.
- Chicago to stay one temperature and not have said temperature be "Hades."
- eat every street fest out of business.
- to get day drunk without falling asleep. sitting up. in public places like a freaking narcoleptic.
- for mosquitoes to be as repulsed by me as Kim Kardashian is of white guys.
- sex on the beach without getting sand all up in my woman parts. I will also accept the cocktail version. Or any cocktail. Straight vodka. I like booze.
- (I would also like) to enjoy any afternoon at the beach without somehow eating it for the rest of the day.
- to be one of those women who has time to read whatever book Oprah is recommending this week.
- some obnoxiously bright colored summer clothes instead of just wearing black all the time because you can't show up to every BBQ/pool party looking like Winona Ryder's stand in for Beetlejuice.
- to flip through an issue of Vogue and finally know what kind of sandals are in style.
- to be able to afford any sandals in Vogue.
- Gelato. All of the gelato.