Thursday, May 16, 2013

Summer wish list.

The past few days have been exceptionally warm in Chicago indicating that possibly, after another few snowstorms, summer will finally be here!  I am completely unprepared. I mean, I am still storing my fat from the winter...of '09.   I'm also pretty sure most of my bikinis have been accidentally burned or mysteriously disappeared anyway.

I began wishing my fat away since diet and exercise take too long, plus I really like to eat and sit and my ass. I figured since I am attempting to pray myself thin, why not just make a list of the other ridiculous things I want this summer.

Fingers crossed.

I would like...

  • for jiggly and pale to be the new black.
  • free Lollapalooza tickets and for once to not have the only 3 bands I want to see play on the same day at the same time.
  • to drink margaritas in flavor combinations one can only assume were created by drunk scientists.
  • a Jeep with no roof or doors that me and all my gal pals can drive all over the city without getting  down poured on and/or murdered.
  • a rocking tan without wrinkles or skin cancer.
  • beach waves instead of that special hybrid of afro/dreadlocks I bring back every summer.
  • Chicago to stay one temperature and not have said temperature be "Hades."
  • eat every street fest out of business. 
  • to get day drunk without falling asleep. sitting up. in public places like a freaking narcoleptic. 
  • for mosquitoes to be as repulsed by me as Kim Kardashian is of white guys.
  • sex on the beach without getting sand all up in my woman parts.  I will also accept the cocktail version. Or any cocktail. Straight vodka. I like booze.
  • (I would also like) to enjoy any afternoon at the beach without somehow eating it for the rest of the day.
  • to be one of those women who has time to read whatever book Oprah is recommending this week. 
  • some obnoxiously bright colored summer clothes instead of just wearing black all the time because you can't show up to every BBQ/pool party looking like Winona Ryder's stand in for Beetlejuice.
  • to flip through an issue of Vogue and finally know what kind of sandals are in style.  
  • to be able to afford any sandals in Vogue.

and finally...

  • Gelato.  All of the gelato.

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