Embarrassment 101

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend of mine regarding embarrassing things we have done in our lifetime. While she seemed humiliated about some of her past experiences, I on the other hand, was hardly phased.  If you know me, you know how ridiculous of a person I can be so very little makes me turn red in the face. If you don't know me, there are many entries in my blog to prove to my point.

I've had numerous people ask me how I am not completely mortified by sharing some of the stories from my past, but I believe most embarrassing situations will prove to be humorous if enough time passes. If you are telling yourselves, "One day we will look back at this and laugh..." why not make that day today?

In order to help my shy readers, I thought I would share some scenarios (where one may want to crawl into a hole and die) to help you look on the bright side. This way the next time a horrifying situation presents itself, you will be  less embarrassed and more amused...

Let's say a hot guy at the checkout line sees you buying tampons...

Well at least he knows you aren't pregnant right?!

You accidentally texted a scandalous picture of yourself to your boss...

Hey, maybe now you'll get that raise you have been hoping for!

If you trip and happen to fall...

Pretend to break a limb so people will feel sorry for you and give you presents. If by chance you actually do end up injuring yourself, maybe at least the emergency room doctor will be hot.

You got hammered and preformed a one woman show on the dance floor...

Maybe your YouTube video will get 20 million hits, and you'll get to be on Tosh.0.

Next time you pronounce a word incorrectly and someone calls you out on it...

Simply point out to that asshole, that you were using the French enunciation, and they simply are not articulate enough to understand.

The next time you spit while talking...

immediately start beat boxing, and get everyone at the table to join in.

While visiting your significant other's parents, they hear you having sex...

Randomly moan while doing mundane tasks for the rest of your stay. This will convince them it wasn't you getting off that they heard last night because you make the same noises doing the dishes. 

If you ask an overweight woman, "When are you due?" but she hastily says she is not pregnant...

Give her a rude look and say, "Um, excuse me, I wasn't done speaking...When are you due for jury duty? I am going to get called in any day now I feel it."

And although this probably only happens to me and Kim Kardashian...

Next time you split your jeans...

just dance! (Too much booty in the pants.)