This is why I drink.

Christmas displays/items being put out in September August.

We have not even hit Labor Day, and you are already inducing a holiday panic I like to reserve for two days before Christmas. Don't remind me it is about to be cold/I am going to be broke while I am still enjoying sundresses and drinks with tiny umbrellas. You hear me Costco?  Put that damn Christmas wrap away, and make room for more samples.

Bad hair days.

I use the same shampoos, same conditioners, same technique (lather, rinse, who ever repeats?), yet randomly you strike without warning...usually on the days I need you to cooperate the most.  Keep it up, and I'll stop buying Redkin or Matrix and start buying that two in one shit from the dollar store to have more money for vodka.

Bikers in Chicago.

I fully support riding your bike to save the environment or even on gas, but when you shoot out of nowhere (and I mean out of fucking nowhere) then feel the need to slam on the hood of my car even after I have already seen you and stopped ten feet away, be prepared to hear more f bombs than Chris Rock's stand up.  If you want me to share the road with you, then you should abide by the same rules.  Two words: stop signs...(OK two more) you asshole.