I am not going to go all political on your asses about the topic...I mean seriously, after all this time I feel like if you'd expect that from me on this blog, well then you don't even know me at all...
Instead I am going to go ahead and talk about some of my other rights as an American which I like to pursue regularly.
Instead I am going to go ahead and talk about some of my other rights as an American which I like to pursue regularly.
I have the right to...
- think Taylor Swift is a saint and not in fact a crazy bitch, and every guy she dates is an asshole who is entirely responsible for their breakup.
- have a crush on Russel Brand, without reason, even though I will probably catch an STD from merely typing his name.
- never actually see a doctor but rather visit WebMD and self-diagnosis myself with cancer every time I have a sore throat.
- click on a YouTube link and spend the next four hours watching videos of puppies and kittens.
- refer to any woman thinner/prettier/better dressed than me as "that bitch."
- assume I am fabulous day in and day out, and anyone who tells me I look tired is just jealous...including the mirror.
- play any song I want on repeat for 6 hours, even if I never learn the words or never finish the song entirely. I also have the right to sing along to the only 3 lines I do know and the right to be tone-deaf.
- eat cake for breakfast. YES I DO ROY! Stop judging me!
- be 31, have several jobs but no career, not married, and childless. I can drink all the vodka I please, on the beaches I want, on all the vacations I take while you are discovering the spit up stain on your jacket while stuck in traffic on the way to your office job.
- shake what my momma gave me, without apologies for all the jiggle.
- stay up until ungodly hours to watch movies on TV which I already own, which I have already seen roughly a thousand times, none of which have received more than two stars.
- buy an item of clothing, wear it 473974 times in a row, and decide I hate it the very next day. I also have the right to decide it is the greatest thing in the history of the world a few months later.
- lather, rinse, and repeat. All.fucking.day.long. I don't have kids so I have all the time in the world.
- be on a first name basis with everyone at Taco Burrito House...and know their wives. And kids. How is little Alejandro's orange belt coming along?
- hate red wine. White wine. Most wine. And prefer the taste of something that has more sugar than a cupcake, preferably served in a pineapple, with a little umbrella. Throw in a twisty straw, and my life is complete.
- still have a crush on Shawn Hunter and fan girl out when I hear they are making a Boy Meets World spin off.
- buy another scarf. Yes, ANOTHER scarf, without having a cold neck.
- have a love/hate relationship with my ass...You're awful, I love you.
- assume that when I throw a shoe at a spider on my bedroom wall and miss, he is going to round up a group of his buddies and kill me in my sleep. I also have the right to sleep (or lose sleep) on the couch for as long as I see fit.
- steal my friends' phones and leave statuses about explosive diarrhea or liking it in the butt.
- be a grown up and still find this funny.
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