This is why I drink.

New year's Resolutions.

How many times have we been through this?  When will you learn!? Year after year I will wholeheartedly promise to do, or not to do various things, only to find myself doing them (usually) the very next day.  It was a good fight.  It lasted a whole 12 hours...10 of which I was sleeping off a hangover.

Private profiles on Instagram.

Are your pictures of food extremely secretive? Do you have a very private cat?  Oh I see, your super filtered, perfectly angled, selfies must be ultra exclusive. Damn you!  I have never needed to see anything more in my life.

After holiday candy sales at Target.  

You are just wandering the isles when you see the sign out of the corner of your eye.  You know what it is, but you try to not make eye contact.  ”75% off.”  How can you pass up a deal like that?  Fill your cart now, and hate yourself later.  I need to hit the liquor isle up too since I am going to want to drink after I gain ten pounds.

Hair straighteners,

Like heels, I have a love/hate relationship with them.  On one hand, they make you look fabulous, on the other, they are the devil.  Every girl who has ever used a hair straightener has a battle wound to prove it.  I have burned everything from my forehead to my neck and even my boob, and for every burn, there has been a bottle.  If Chi created a vodka line, they could rule the world.