Thursday, February 14, 2013

Boobs and burgers.

A guy I follow on twitter posted this picture of Kate Upton.

He proceeded to make fun of her "saggy" boobs and call her fat.  He also said she looks two months pregnant. First off, if this is two months pregnant then I must look full term. Second, her boobs are real...and huge...and you know what real boobs do there buddy?  They sag. They also bounce, which is something fake ones do not. If you had ever seen any in real life, you would know.  Keep calling girls fat, and you may never get the chance.

For those of you who were unaware of who Kate Upton was before this post, she is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Let me catch you up to speed with a few more photos...

I probably just lost the majority of my guy readers since most of them had to go um, handle some business real quick...

I would literally murder a family of five to look like her so imagine my dismay hearing someone call this hot piece of ass "fat." I was so distraught over the idea that anyone could think she was less than perfect, that I took the topic to my Facebook, only to have a couple more guys chime in on her weight calling her, "skinny fat" or "pudgy." Um, WHAT?! If she is going to be deemed "skinny fat" then I must be considered "fat fat", since I look like I ate her for breakfast.

I googled/looked at pictures of her (longer than I would like to admit as a straight woman) and then down at my own stomach. For a brief second I considered never eating anything ever again, but then I decided to go ahead and finish the birthday day cake I was having for dinner because fuck it. If someone who looks like her is going to be labeled as pudgy, there is no hope for the rest of us ladies anyway.

Kate and I do have one thing in common though.  I mean besides both being in Maxim's, "Hot 100" last year...neither of us give one single fuck about what anyone thinks about our weight. She is too busy cashing millions dollar checks to care if Joe Schmo thinks she needs to lose a few pounds, I am far too busy enjoying life to care if my thighs touch, and we are both too busy having awesome boobs to care about what the scale says. I really don't think she is getting kicked out of bed for eating crackers, and I know plenty of men at least three guys who want to watch me perform an epic drum solo on my belly.

Personally, I could probably be ten pounds lighter if I stopped eating cheeseburgers like it was my mother fucking job, but I refuse to give them up/diet for fear I'll lose my rack. Everyone knows that's the first thing to go, and that's just not a risk I'm willing to take...

So on that note I say, give me Kuma's or give me death!

You're welcome.

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