Friday, February 8, 2013

Sometimes, I enjoy things.

Hello friends (and those who just randomly stumbled upon my blog by googling "drunk" or "boobs").  How the hell are you? I am super swell. Despite all my sassy posts about all the things that piss me off, I do enjoy things from time to time...I mean, other than drinking.  I thought I would make a list of some of these things since I like making lists.

See, there's one.

Alright, just to prove I'm not always grumpy, and most days the sun does in fact, shine directly out of my's a bunch of stuff that makes me smile...

  • Eating like shit all weekend, but somehow losing 3 pounds. Fuck Atkins. It's all about the cheeseburger diet.
  • When someone cuts you off only to have you pull up next to them at a red light.  Don't forget to clap and congratulate the fast and the furious on beating you a dead halt.
  • Getting a bag of mostly red/pink Starburts.  Why do the other flavors even exist?
  • When a song from a million years ago comes on the radio, and you remember a time in your life where something good happened.  Plus, remembering all the words makes you realize your memory is still in tact after all that anticipated brain damage from abusing your youth.
  • Falling asleep in your make up and not waking up looking like a Plan B advertisement.
  • Nutella.
  • More Nutella.
  • I want to cover my life in Nutella.
  • Discovering that someone you hated in high school got fat, bald, divorced, divorced because they got fat and bald, ugly, or they have aged terribly. Bonus for all of the above.
  • Having so much fun you stay awake until 6 am without falling asleep in your pancakes.
  • When you google something totally random, but it finishes the sentence for you so you know you aren't the only weirdo in the world.
  • Finding money amongst your clothes in the dryer. It's like you just got paid to do your laundry.
  • Throwing out a "That's what she said," at the most perfectly inappropriate moment.
  • When you fly past a cop doing 75 in a 40 zone, and he doesn't pull you over...or you are wearing a really low cut shirt if he does. 
  • When you make up a word in "Words with Friends," but it's real and worth a zillion points. 
  • Finding an onion ring in your french fries.  Currently, this is the only ring I am interested in.

*Remember to read this blog the next time you finish screaming at your/other people's kids, threatening to drive them off a cliff if they don't stop will cheer you up.

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