Thursday, November 22, 2012

Hey thanks.

Ah yes.  It's that time of year again...Thanksgiving. A time where we celebrate all the things we are thankful for by stuffing our faces until we want to vomit, then waiting hours to digest so we can do it all over again.  Sure, you get to spend time with your family, and somewhere throughout the day there is football...but we all know what Thanksgiving really is: The Eating Olympics.

Personally, I have been training for this day all year.

Regardless of all the delicious food and sweet Black Friday sales, there is an actual point to this holiday.  We are supposed to express gratitude for all the good things in our lives. On that note, I thought I would share a few reasons I am thankful (besides the obvious: family, friends, etc)...

First and foremost, I am thankful for pants with elastic waistbands. After I shatter my skinny jeans tomorrow, they are going to be my new best friends until about oh, mid January.

Second, I am super thankful for alcohol.  If you know me, you knew this was coming, but it doesn't mean I am any less serious about my love and appreciation for vodka.  Vodka makes a bad day better.  It makes all family functions tolerable.  It even gives you something to blame for all your bad decisions.  It also makes you an amazing dancer (in your head), great in bed (so you think), and super hilarious (to yourself).  What's not to love?

I am also thankful for all those pictures of cats, dogs, or any animal really with the broken English/funny sayings on them. They are responsible for hours of entertainment and endless turning of frowns upside down.  

Scientists in a recent study I just made up said your day just got 27% better.  You're welcome.

I am always grateful for the casts of all the bad reality TV shows out there. See, every now and then when I am questioning my impact or place in this world, I can turn on my television and instantly feel better about my life choices because there are people out there who exist with absolutely no purpose at all, and people love them regardless.  The entire cast of The Jersey Shore is famous for being tan, drunk, animals.  Honey Boo Boo and clan gained popularity for being crazy hillbillies, while Kim Kardashian's claim to fame is having a big ass and a sex tape...I mean, if that's all it takes, well I'm already half way there (before you start googling my name looking for a video, I was referring to the junk in my trunk...).  

With people like this in the world...

I know that even if I don't cure cancer,  I am still not a complete waste of a human being...

And last but not least, I am thankful for Ryan Gosling.  That is all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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