Sugar Hooker.

Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I'm addicted to sugar.  Some may argue I am also addicted to alcohol, but that's neither here nor there.  I will however, openly admit to being head over heels infatuated with that sweet nectar of life: sucrose.  It wasn't until recently when I was consuming Halloween candy for breakfast that it hit me how bad my obsession has actually gotten. Sure, lots of people enjoy dessert after a savory meal or crave occasional sweets, but my addiction goes way beyond that...I would mainline sugar if I could.

You can't. I looked it up.

However...

I'm kidding.  I can't even use a Neti-pot.

Over the years, I have tried desperately to rid all delicious toxins from my life.  I tested every approach known to man.  I tried to wean myself off slowly, cutting my consumption a little each day so ideally, I would not crave sweets anymore. All that left me with was a sheer sense of panic leading me to spiral out of control on my final day.  Turns out, it is possible to eat an entire "death by chocolate" cake and not die.

I thought my next approach was genius...what if I purposely binge?  My logic was simple; If I consumed a plethora of desserts in one sitting, I would get sick, therefore turning myself off the junk for good. I used a similar approach in college and haven't touched Jagermeister since.  The only problem here was the discomfort of my sugar coma was like a short lived hangover...as soon as I felt better I was elbow deep in candy bars.  Instead of waking up in a stranger's bed, I woke up with strangers in my own...Mr. Goodbar, The Three Musketeers, Mike & Ike...you can't "walk of shame" your way out of that one either.

I even tried the most obvious approach, quitting cold turkey.  This lasted for about 12 hours, and I feel bad for anyone that came into contact with me during that dark period...shit got ugly.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step, although I have no intent on completing the other 11. I have a problem I am not trying to solve, but rather keep under control. So far I haven't hit rock bottom, however, don't be surprised if you see me turning tricks for Twinkies in the near future...