Friday, November 30, 2012

This is why I drink.

Alarm clocks.  

Alarm clocks are the Devil Bobby.  Have you ever thought about this concept...I mean REALLY thought about it?  It is a device to jolt you awake from a sound is solely designed to scare (the shit out of) you awake. What a horrible way to wake up.  Since I didn't die of a heart attack this morning, I'm going to celebrate with a mimosa.

Weight loss commercials...  

Especially those where I look like the"before" picture.  Thanks for reminding me you lost 70 pounds while I am eating cake for dinner.  Now seems like the perfect time to pair my meal with a nice Riesling...

Meeting people for the first time/running into someone you haven't seen in awhile...  

Do you wave hello?  Handshake?  Hug?  What if they extend their hand while I am in mid wave? What if I am reaching out, but they aren't paying attention, and I'm left hanging? What if they move in for a hug while I am reaching for a handshake?  It's all so awkward.  Let's all get drunk and make it simple with high fives.

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