No, not because of the Mayan calender.
Not because of Dick Clark dying either.
Not even because of the "upcoming" zombie apocalypse.
The world is ending because there will be no more Twinkies...
And no this not a Zombieland reference (for those of you who have somehow missed out on the extreme awesomeness that is Zombieland, catch up on your cardio then watch and learn)...
Twinkies being discontinued means fat kids at heart like me are going to reek havoc looking for a replacement. What kind of manufactured baked goods are we going to deep fry now?! Don't even suggest that bitch, Little Debbie. I don't trust her and think she somehow played a part in all of this...
Seriously, who wants to spend a small fortune on gourmet cupcakes when you can get a whole box of creme filled deliciousness for about $3? Why would I want to eat a fresh, slice of homemade pie when I can buy a convenient portable one filled with some kind of mystery, fruit syrup? Don't insult my mediocre taste palette by expecting me to eat things that actually expire in a timely manner.
Now when picking out the perfect collection of road trip food, (chips and/or combos, beef jerky and some sort of Hostess snack cake) something will be missing. From here on out, every low budget vacation will be ruined before your significant other was even given the chance. Go ahead, get us lost...our trip was doomed from the get-go, and life has lost all meaning anyway...
The end of Hostess means the end of an era. People of all ages grew up on their little pre-packaged pieces
of heaven. This lack of sweetness will leave a void in all of our borderline, diabetic hearts. We should all morn this loss like a childhood pet...a spongy, delicious, childhood pet.
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