Tuesday, January 22, 2013

(Other) things that piss me off.

Girls who wear work out clothes all day, especially when they haven't worked out in five years. No one believes you just left the gym when the Starbucks's beverage you are carrying has more calories than a Big Mac. Skinny people drink tea, not caramel macchiatos.

People who buy expensive clothing for their children.  If you are still shitting your pants, they shouldn't be designer.

The Wind Chill.  It's 17 degrees out, but with the wind chill factor it feels like -12. Why not just say it's -12?  Don't get my hopes up thinking I only need to wear three layers and not four. Still waiting for all this global warming everyone keeps talking about...

The term "Born again virgin." You gave it up, get over it. Unless you have a time machine, there is no getting it back either. You can call yourself whatever you like, but your vagina knows the truth.

The fact that "A Taste for Love" from Forgetting Sarah Marshall is not real. Why has no one gotten on this!?  It's an obvious gold mine if you asked me...

People who change their Facebook profile picture back to one that is so old, it was on Myspace. You are not Benjamin Button, and you aren't fooling anyone. Stop it.

Also, people who put up pictures of their children as their profile picture. I was unaware your 6 month old has a Facebook. That's incredible! Or have you had some work done? You look like a teenager again! Oh wait...

If you put up one of those disgusting, life-like, ultrasound pictures, I will vomit on you, and your Facebook privilages should be revoked.

When it costs me at least $20 to make a salad I am actually willing to eat, while ramen is 20 cents and has more salt than any given Chicago sidewalk in January. On the bright side, I could use all that money I am saving for my Lipitor prescription.  

People who think having children is life's biggest accomplishment. Congratulations, you had sex. I've done that plenty of times, uh I mean never Mom, I've never had sex, but if I had...big woop. You forgot the necessary protection and had a child. Having a kid is easy, raising it to not be an animal is the hard part so unless your child stays out of jail and becomes a functioning member of society, stop bragging.

Bad grammar. We all learned about heterographs in the fourth grade. You may not know what they are called, but if you don't know the difference between them (you're/your, their/they're/their, etc) by now, YOU'RE an idiot, and you need to re-evaluate YOUR life.

No comments:

Post a Comment