Saturday, January 5, 2013

America. Fuck Yeah. Part 2

I got a lot of responses to my last blog about my rights as an American so I thought I would continue it again today.  If you missed it, you can find it here...

On that note,

I also have the right to...

  • use eenie meenie miney mo to make most of life's tough decisions.  I also have the right to pick the exact opposite anyway. "Mo" is not the boss of me.
  • put up the fist mic, and sing loudly into it every time Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" comes on.
  • think fruit snacks are a perfectly acceptable dinner, and beef jerky is part of a well balanced breakfast.
  • want to open a yoga studio/gym and call it "Camel Toe."
  • refuse to wash my car because (at some point) it is going to rain.
  • never admit when I gain any weight but rather blame the dryer for shrinking all my clothes. Dick.
  • like Coldplay, and not be gay.
  • eat gummy bears in twos so they don't get lonely in my stomach.
  • write things like "gonorrhea medication" or "mustache rides" on the memo line when I am writing checks to friends.
  • Facebook stalk someone so hard that I end up back at my own profile.
  • think everything my cat does is fucking adorable.  Disagree?  Well, your child's finger paintings aren't so magical either.
  • believe Matthew McConaughey was not at all acting in Dazed and Confused, and he really does love those red heads.
  • be more afraid of my Google search history going public than a possible zombie apocalypse.
  • hate pants and avoid them at all costs.  Dresses, skirts, a toga?  I don't care.  Fuck pants.
  • quote Step Brothers at least once a week.        *This week's quota was reached while visiting my parents when I told my mom, "This house is a fucking prison, on planet bullshit, in the galaxy of this sucks camel dicks," when she asked me (and not my sister) to clear the table.


  1. Ooh that last one resonates with me particularly. I don't think I've filled this weeks quota!

  2. Get on that! So much room for activities!