Tuesday, January 15, 2013

This is why I drink.

Teenage girls.  They are moody, unpredictable, and just plain mean.  If one is within ear shot, you must live in constant fear. You never know if the way you say "Hello" will set them off into a dramatic, angst filled, rage. You personally are to blame for all their problems, which are all so very, very important.  Take every bitch you have ever encountered/worked with and combine them all into one person, and she will seem like Mary Poppins compared to any 16 years old girl.

Periods.  No, not the ones at the end of a sentence, although exclamation points are way more fun!  I'm talking about those things that come once a month that make most women fat, crazy, and ruin all your best plans/vacations.  When it is here, you count down the days until it is gone.  When it doesn't show up on time, you start to pray for its arrival.  Even if you haven't have sex in months, you are convinced you are pregnant regardless, and it must be a Jesus/Mary situation.


The lighting in women's public restrooms.  You spent hours getting ready...picked out the perfect outfit.  You are having quite possibly the best hair day of your life. You are feeling like a million bucks, until you have to break the seal.  You head to the restroom and walk into what seems like a fun house. Damn you fluorescent lighting. In two seconds you went from old Lindsay Lohan to a recent version. You look like a hot mess, might as well be one too.

No comments:

Post a Comment