Thursday, October 18, 2012

"I never."

If you ever participated in any drinking games, there is no doubt in my mind you have played, “Never have I ever” or as the night progresses, (and your increased alcohol consumption prevents you from continuing to speak in Shakespearean dialect) “I never.”  For those of you who never left their parents’ basement, the object of this game is simple…someone says something they have never done, and if you have done said thing, you drink.  
The game always starts out innocent enough with things along the lines of, “Never have I ever gone skydiving,” or “Never have I ever rode a horse.”  I like to refer to this as round one.  Round one will continue for about 20 minutes, and you will learn nothing interesting about anyone involved.  Great, Johnny has been to London, but Jenny and Becky have not.  Groundbreaking stuff.
It’s not until round two that things always take an unexpected turn.  Someone will throw out a mildly sexual “I never,” and the game will progress from there.  You will start to find out things about your friends/companions that you never knew (and maybe never wanted to know).  This is also the round where couples will begin to turn on each other.  Sure, the night was going well until so and so found out her boyfriend had a threesome in college, while he was feeling pretty great until he found out she has taken it up the butt…and to think, he has been trying for months to no avail.  I’m pretty sure “I never” is responsible for 15-20% of break ups.
Round three is when the real fun starts…everyone will be highly intoxicated, and the game turns into a personal attack on one other.  The closer you are friends, the more drunk you are going to be.  Things like, “I never had sex with two brothers,” will start to surface.  They will continue to escalate until you get to the, “I never had sex in a Burger King bathroom with John Smith so drink up Tina!” level of the game. This level will only last until someone starts crying or dies of alcohol poisoning, sometimes both. Depending on how good or bad your friends are…shit will either get very ugly or it will be a very long night…I’m not sure which is worse.
Despite the outcome always being the same, you will continue to play this game for years to come.  It’s never a good idea, but how else are you going to find out if your cute downstairs neighbor may let you video tape her?

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