Why diets suck.

Why is it the minute you tell yourself you are going to lose weight and not eat everything in sight, all you can think about is eating everything in sight?  No literally, everything. I think on my last diet I was petting my cat, wondering what he would taste like deep fried.  When, “Probably delicious” crossed my mind, I knew I needed help.  If you are anything like me, you will even go as far as to torture yourself by watching nothing but the food network.

If I manage to actually stay on my diet for long enough to lose any weight, I get so excited that I decide to reward myself with something heart attack inducing.  I am reminded of what anything (other than vegetables and chicken) tastes like, and off my diet I go.  I then proceed to gain back some of the weight and feel so depressed about being fat that I continue to eat cheesecake for breakfast because, why does it matter? I am going to die alone, probably choking on a piece of fried kitty.

I will never understand how a television works, how a cell phone is even possible, or why they can’t make a zero calorie cupcake, all of which befuddle me equally.  Why does alcohol have calories at all?  It’s mostly water and so very unfair.  I am going to continue to tell myself that if I drink fast enough, I will pee it all out before I can absorb it. 

Basically, diets suck. Through all my late night binges and fruit/veggie fasts, I have learned they don’t work.  They will never work.  The best thing you can do is try to eat healthy 2/3 of the time.  It’s okay to eat Taco Bell for dinner, as long as you didn’t eat McDonald’s breakfast followed by a Burger King lunch.  Go ahead and have that cupcake, but stop at one (or two if you’re anything like me).  

Accept your body…I for one will never be a size 0.  I have a Kardashian ass, and you know what?  In my older age, I have learned to accept it.  It’s not going anywhere…believe me, I tried for years.  The body shape you have is predetermined, but it is up to you to keep it finely tuned.  We all know Kim Kardashian is one Oreo away from exploding, and she is fully aware so she never crosses that line.  

Throw the word “diet” out of your vocabulary, and you’ll be a lot happier.  Tell yourself that you are simply going to start eating better. Start out small…next time you order that bacon cheeseburger with a side of cheese fries, tell them to hold the mayo, and wash it down with a DIET coke.  Baby steps people, baby steps.