Thursday, October 18, 2012

Spoiler alert: It does.

Last night I couldn’t sleep (again, shocker) so I decided to actually scroll down my Facebook wall instead of logging on for five minutes from my phone while I’m waiting for anything, anywhere. This usually only occurs after I have checked my Instagram and Twitter and played all of my games in Words with Friends.  Lately, it has become a last resort in my cure for boredom.
The sad thing is, I used to love Facebook.  It was an easy way to keep up with friends, post pictures, and to send event invites without having to email each person individually.  At first it was exciting to reconnect with old friends and college buddies and to find all those people (you have always wondered what happened to) from your past…discovering your ex had gotten fat, merely a bonus. 
Lately however, things have taken a turn for the worse in the Facebook universe.  My entire news feed was filled with a ton of bullshit.  I’m talking things along the lines of, “If you like puppies and think killing them is wrong then hit like,” and, “Who needs a man when you can have chocolate!”  No seriously, I saw that.  If you posted that last one and you are reading this, I’m sorry, and I hope all that chocolate will keep you warm at night.  If you keep eating it to replace actual male companionship, that extra insulation should help.
There were endless amounts of inspirational quotes, pictures of food, and flyers for parties at bars I didn’t even think were still open featuring DJs I didn’t know were still employed.  I was scrolling through my news feed thinking, “Don’t care. That’s depressing. Cat pictures. Kid pictures. Thank you Captain Obvious. Congrats on that sandwich. Sports update.  Still don’t care.”  
I understand that not every day in life will be exhilarating, but does that mean you have to post pictures of your stack of laundry?  Do you think if you don’t like the page saying you are against child abuse people are going to think you beat your kids? It’s okay, really. I already assume most of you do (or have at least thought about it)…so the next time you decide to let everyone know you are headed to the gym, ask yourself this question, “If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, will my workout still count if I don’t tell everyone about it?” 

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