This is why I drink.

Shopping. I can not find clothes that fit both my chest, and my body.  If I try to buy a medium, it won’t zip over my boobs…a large looks like I am wearing a garbage bag. They need more than 3 sizes at most stores. Can I get a smedium or marge please? 

When celebrities complain about being nerds/picked on in high school…Oh boo hoo, you got teased as a kid?  Breaking news: everyone got teased as a kid. It was always something…your name, your clothes, anything really.  At least you are hot and famous now so you have the satisfaction of telling all your former bullies to suck it.  Most people can’t dry their tears on hundreds, so quit your bitching.

High heels.  No literally, I have to drink if I am wearing those bad boys all night.  I love them since they make my legs look great, but the higher the heels I am wearing, the more beverages I am consuming.  It’s simple math.

Constant political statuses on Facebook/Twitter.  Great, you have an opinion.  You are entitled to it, but do you really need to shove it down everyone’s throats? I just want to look at pictures of food and puppies, geez. Think of Facebook as a first date…no religion or politics.