This is why I drink.

Those damn Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials. Yes I love puppies.  Kittens too.  I wish I could adopt them all, but you want me to sponsor one I don’t get to play with?  Changing channels…thanks for reminding me how selfish I am. 

Snooki, Paris Hiton, and someone named “Big Ang” all have book deals while all I have is my lil’ ol’ blog.  I even know the difference between “your” and “you’re” which is more than I can say for some people…

Manicures. No matter how long I wait for my nails to dry, I will still manage to fuck one up somehow…then fix it…then fuck up a different one. “So Steph what did you do last night?”  ”Painted my nails…for 6 hours.   I also drank an entire bottle of wine. No relation…”

Victoria’s Secret.  This store befuddles me…too many unanswered questions.  Why does every bra in this store have 4 inches of padding or chicken cutlets? Why is everything neon, animal printed and/or covered in rhinestones?  Why does one bra cost more than half of a hundred dollars? Why do I need to wear my bra 8 different ways? And most importantly, who the fuck looks like that…and why can’t I?

That water bra should be filled with vodka.